I have to pick a company/organization to re-brand. I’m responsible for all the research and creative execution. Nothing I’m a stranger of. Unfamiliarity isn’t what I’m stuck on. I’m at a stand still on what to invest the next ten months of my life working on. I’m desperate for something interesting, something profound, something different than what my portfolio contains.

I have experienced food marketing, the fashion industry (I did some copywriting for Urban Outfitters a few years back), non-profit associations, pro-bono projects, and private-independent school management solutions of course which includes as array of services such as insurance, employee benefits, consulting, publications, and workshops. I’ve been asking myself all week what have I enjoyed most? Honestly, I think I found the copywriting for Urban Outfitters most engaging, but also the emptiest. My work with various food products was fun, but again, not profound. Yet, I dare to ask, do I need profound?

ISM’s materials have meaning. Our goal is to help future generations of students. That’s what has kept me there for the past three years. In all fairness, the creative material is rather dry. It’s not gimmicky or fun, there’s little humor within the printed materials, and the images are typically stock. However, the message is important. ISM is really doing great things for private schools worldwide. I love knowing that what I’m putting out there isn’t typical junk mail or spam—it’s purposeful.

Yet, since I have that already as part of portfolio, shouldn’t I focus on something different? Something edgy? Something with bright colors and advertisy headlines? A product with a mascot? I’ve never really worked with a mascot before. Cee-Cee the chickpea was about as close as I ever got, and she wasn’t what the client purchased in the end of the campaigning after all.

I’m really banging my head against the wall here. HELP! This is due tomorrow night. This on top of a bunch of ISM articles and one huge chart that I’m not even sure needs to be developed. My weekend is quickly running low on time. This is so frustrating.

I truly hope that after this program is completed I can finally start appreciating my weekends. I have this driving need to always be busy, busy, busy with something. After this, I’m going to mandate that I learn how to relax.

Designing a logo for myself has been agonizing. Creating a video-resume was brutal. (And, no I will never post it to this site as it is. I’m simply not prepared for the big screen.) Not the technical challenges—as far as the software is concerned I’m comfy. Branding myself is a whole other story. I’ve struggled with that for years … can you tell?

Going into this, I doubted the value of online studies. I’m a HUGE fan of collaboration. Just how connected can you be studying online? Considering my hectic schedule and inflexible work hours, I had to make a choice between consuming all my vacation time for low residency program or enrolling in an online program. Being a little selfish I thought I would try out the online program for a month or two and then re-evaluate how I felt about the process. Turns out, it’s actually a pretty interesting set-up.

I studied Advertising for my undergrad degree. If you know me, then you know all I ever wanted to be was a copywriter. (Or, a writer of sorts.) And, I was. For a few years after college I worked as a copywriter who sometimes got lucky enough to play the production artist role. That luckiness is what threw me onto a whole new path.

Once I got a real taste of design, saw how I could make my concepts and words come to life, it was all over. So, now five years into my career, here I am back in school learning design theory, new skills, and management. Against my stereotyped beliefs about the online learning environment, this program is pretty detailed and meaty. I’ve learned a whole slew of new shortcuts, theories, and practices. Oh, maybe I should plug the program I selected—Full Sail University, MDMFA.

Allow me to also plug Lynda.com for a brief moment … this is a great online resource for Adobe applications. If you’re new to programs like Sound Booth, After Effects, Illustrator, InDesign, Fireworks, etc., you’ll be a seasoned pro by the end of the video series. Well, as long as you practice what they’re teaching, that is. Seriously, check it out.

Anyway, I’ve seemed to digress here. Always happens to me when I’m journal blogging. I guess I just wanted to post a little update about what I’ve been up to. So, now you all know. I’ve been busy these last few weeks getting acclimated with the MFA program, still working hard for ISM, and wishfully hoping spring would replace winter here in Philly. I can’t wait to get back outdoors and play a little in the dirt …

My mom tells me I’m too old to festival stalk. I ignore her. February is almost like a second Christmas to me. And, I am in fact, part of the majority at these events. But, even if I wasn’t part of the common age group, I don’t think I would care. I love music festivals! There is nothing better than spending four days with friends doing nothing more than listening to awesome bands and camping. The heat that was last year’s burden I can do without, but the overall event I’m not sure if I can live without.

Last year, five of us gathered in Philly from all over the country to make the 18-hour drive to Bonnaroo. It was a sweaty, neighbor-annoying (we drove our camping neighbors crazy night chatting away into the wee hours of the night), friend-filled weekend. The sun punched us in the face every morning by 8, and relief was nowhere to be found, yet I would do it again if the lineup this year screams AWESOME.

Maybe an RV is a better idea than a tent? It’s certainly worth investigating. Sitting in the truck for an hour each morning just to feel air conditioning against our faces is rather pathetic. (And, this is exactly what we all did every morning!) An RV definitely sounds like a better plan. Not to mention I think showers come with most of the models, right? A real shower would be heavenly compared to the sink baths offered in the campsites. I’m not complaining about sink baths … but, come on, who doesn’t like to shower after dripping with sweat, and sitting in dirt all day? Even the dirtiest of hippy enjoys a shower after a long day of sun and fun.

I must say I’m blessed to still have friends without kids at my age. 30-something is not an era in my life where I’m finding a ton of my friends without families and kid-sponsored responsibilities. (I think this is what my mom really wants from me—to settle down and have a family—get over the festival frenzy. One day, mom … one day … ) Maybe it’s that this last handful of us aren’t blessed enough to have the family thing going for us, but that is another blog all in itself.

I’m going to get up and find my way into the sun this afternoon before the gaming and festivals party begin. I mean, the SUN is out! After the last few weekends we’ve endured, this sunny morning is a welcomed surprise. I would be a fool not to embellish. So, away I go …

Happy lineups everyone!

I miss freelancing. A lot. I miss having the creative variety that agencies and freelancers alike thrive in. For a while now I have been playing with the idea of getting back into the hustle of independent creative work. But, again I still wrestle with how to sell myself. I’m no longer just a copywriter—I’m a multiple hat wearer—yet, I fear that being a jack-of-all-trades is sleazy.

So, where does this leave me?

I’ve been reading through some of my creative magazines this week searching for self-centered inspiration. Usually I’m trying to find a spark that will generate something powerful for one of the projects on my desk, but this week I’ve found myself for once thinking about me. (OK, in all honesty, I’ve been thinking about me for a while.) If I miss freelancing, and am serious about getting back into it not because all my friends are but because I honestly miss the diversity, then how do I sell myself?

I’ve come across some rather interesting examples. I’ve also come across some rather interesting challenges that others are facing. It seems I’m not alone in this gray, fuzzy place of uncertainty. There are tons of young, mid-level creative people out there confused and searching for a beam of inspiration. Should we seek additional skills to keep up with ever changing technologies or, should we stick with our niches to become wizards at we already know?

Someone has recently confided in me, “I think my need to constantly push forward is a weakness … but it can also be a strength.” I think he’s right.

Knowing others are living in my shoes is comforting, but not insightful. Unless there is some message I’m missing underneath the collective stories, it’s added to my personal struggle—how do I sell myself?

In order to have my own freelance “company,” or perhaps “identity” is a better way to put it, I need to be able to brand myself. Who am I? What do I do? What do I love? And, so I’ve made it back to the second paragraph of this mental dump. Weee … loops are great!

This afternoon as I continue to flip pages of creative magazines, click through blogs, and randomly browse through linkedin pages, I’m not just looking for others in my shoes—I’m looking for those that have established themselves. Examples: others like my friend in California, my old co-worker from Allebach Advertising, my neighbor with a natural passion for photography. All of these people have been successful in setting up their freelance careers because they are a hybrid of not knowing where they’re going and knowing exactly what they love doing.

Maybe that’s the secret. Perhaps it’s not about having all the answers to where I’m headed, but yet just appreciating the moment I’m living in and pushing forward with that in the current. I can always evolve myself later … no branding is ever a forever commitment.

I know that I love copywriting. It’s not all I do; yet it’s what I do most comfortably. As a freelancer and a full time employee, my mission is not to stress myself out 24/7. I can strive to learn, grow, and challenge myself within my 8-5, and then come home to projects that allow me to express my creativity and meet client needs with ease. Isn’t the whole point behind freelancing to have a little stress-free fun?

It is for me.

I think I’ve solved my own problem here. How do I brand myself—a mid-level jack-of-all-trades—without sounding sleazy? I don’t. I sell myself as the copywriter (perhaps at times as the graphic designer for a selective few), because that’s what makes me feel really alive.

I come to life creating headlines!  

I had my wisdom tooth out on Friday. Everyone I know keeps asking, “Only one? Why not all of them?” I don’t know the answer to that. I guess the guy wants to get rich by taking them out one by one. Or, maybe he owns a rehab center too, so his master plan is to get people hooked on these swell painkillers and then ship us off to his addiction boot camp.  Or, maybe he’s a fruit loop, and just doesn’t see the point in taking out more than what’s causing the issue? I am comfortable with accepting number three.

Friday was the big day. I took a personal day from work, had good ol’ Pammy York (my dearest mother) drive down from Amish country (Lancaster area), got a hot shower, and away we went. About an hour and half later, I was laying in recovery—which looked like the nurse’s office from Elementary school, all tiny and cramped, and smelling oddly of crackers and old floor polish—with my mom by my side cheering me on to wake up from the general so we could head out.

Two days later and still, MY FACE HURTS.

I have to admit, it feels better then it did all last week. That burning, aching, throbbing pressure isn’t there. Yet, it’s now replaced with a deeper throbbing, and if I challenge my jaw to too much talking, the aching returns. I’m a Gemini; we don’t know how to shut up!

Ah, the challenges we face …

Talking about bothersome challenges—not smoking is a true inconvenience. I know, I know, it’s not trendy to smoke anymore. It’s tacky, unhealthy, and filthy. If it ever was in style, it went out with the last great Indie movie of the 1990s. What can I say? I enjoy the habit. It’s a disgusting habit that brings me peace with each exhale of gray, poisonous, swirling smoke.

I’ve been behaved this weekend however. I am proud to report since Thursday, I have only had four cigarettes. So, one a day? That is not bad at all. I’m not sure if I’m prepared to walk away cold turkey, but I know this is a great start to whatever I chose.

MY DAMN FACE HURTS! And, now I want to smoke.

I’m turning to Twitter for instant support. That’s right, I’m multi-tasking. Twitter and Word both sharing the same 27” screen. Ever search Twitter with something you’re facing right at that moment? See how many others are thinking about it too? It’s one of my addictions with the Web. I love to see if I’m alone in my crazy thought process, or if others are with me. I find the generic topics such as, “quitting smoking,” “wisdom tooth,” and “so annoyed!” are usually populated. I am alone with my multifarious mind at times, but not this morning. This morning there are others recovering from wisdom tooth hell, trying to disband from their nicotine love affaires, and for some reason RIP-ing Justin Bieber? Maybe I’ll follow that trend for awhile to take my mind off things … it’s funny in some strange, dark, demented way.

But, hey, anything that gets 20 new tweets every 15 seconds is worth 30 minutes of my time.

~Amy.

Lots of change is happening within the office—lots. Another management change has occurred.  Although I would love to say I’m a laid back gal that can handle it as it comes, I’m having a bit of a struggle with this one. Not because I don’t support the change, or because I have issues with my new direct report aka., Lord and Master. Actually, I think that this change, and all the changes he has so far implemented, are healthy for the forward growth of our department. What I’m struggling with this time around is how to work effectively under the new vision. I’m not clear as to what is expected of me. And, I’m lost as to what my role in everything is now with the new “ownership.”  

I’ve spent the last week looking inward. Are the sinking, overwhelmed feelings that constantly hammer in my gut as I try to stay focused my own issues, or are they the result of yet once again new guidelines , new objectives, and new working styles?

After a week of soul searching, I’m drawing the conclusion that it’s a medley. Some part of me feels slighted. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel ignored and underappreciated. For the last year, I have taken on the tasks and responsibilities of three full time people. I know, I know, many people have—welcome to the recession. However, I’m going to flirt with career suicide here and ask the question, “How long do employers expect their loyal worker bees to plunge ahead at 125% without being rewarded?” There simply comes a point when people burn out.

Research shows that raises don’t improve employee productivity. There’s probably truth in that. However, in times like these, there has to be some sort of benefit for working yourself to death, sacrificing your personal life, and pushing your comfort zone far beyond the “danger, may cause injury” boundaries. Am I wrong here?

 When people ask me what I do, I don’t even know what to tell them. How do I say I’m a copywriter/graphic designer/account planner/project manager/online community manager/staff writer/public relations/e-marketer/researcher? I have settled on summarizing my duties simply as, “I’m part of an internal marketing group,” and hoping that they understand sometimes internal marketing departments demand multiple duties of people. It’s nothing like the structure of an agency. There are no formal job roles, no clear boundaries before toes are treaded upon, and thankfully no billable hours.  (I stinking hate billable hours!)

However, I come from the agency world. All of my training prepared me for the lifestyle of a creative person within an agency.  I’m an agency chick!  In the world I understand, there are account planners, creative directors, art directors, and production people consisting of copywriters, graphic designers, and production artists. Production people, worker bees I call them, get handed creative briefs and from there develop mock ups. These are then edited and evaluated by the directors and account managers. Editing is had, and after a few rounds of dissection and reconstruction, a final proof is sent off to the client where it then starts the dissection process all over again.

 Internal marketing doesn’t work anything like that. I am lucky that I even have an art director. Yet, that role is not the traditional art director role an agency would enforce. It’s diluted. Internal marketing, at least as far as I have experienced, runs more like a college project group. Sure, everyone has a title, but everyone throws their title’s limitations out the window and pitches in to work on whatever is on the table labeled “TOP PRIORITY.”  Graphic designers sometimes execute the entire project from planning through publish. Writers sometimes act as Web masters. Art Directors sometimes function as developers. Please insert the line from the Kink’s Lola here—“It’s a mixed up, bottled up, shook up world. . .”      

There are tons of benefits to working as a collage. However, there is one major flaw—lack of process. I will assume this is not the case in all internal marketing departments. However, since the recession it has been the case for us. I was in a way my own boss through 2010. Which was, and is, a bit challenging personally as I’m a mere mid-level creative mind.

Making my way back to the original thought of this blog, 2011 has proposed yet another management change. As I struggle to find peace with another reinvention of my work flow, I asked myself, “ what makes me happy?” Here’s what I came up with. As it seems, reinvention didn’t make the cut this time around. ( Sighs.)

• Creating headlines
• Creative collaboration
• Animal crackers in the morning
• Coffee at all hours with or without cream and sugar
• Mountains and all the happiness that comes along with being among them
• The sound of running water
• Success
• High click through rates to articles I’ve poured my heart into
• Following high click thru rates, instant gratification
• Smart metrics and analytics
• Learning new tricks and tools with Adobe software
• Watching brilliant people do magical things with both data and creative elements
• Blizzards
• Yoga!
• Laughter
• Warm laundry
• Organization
• Clear direction
• Super Bowl commercials
• Family dinners
• Warm days with the top down on the Jeep
•  Finding all my friends recollected from different states magically in my living-room
• Summer fruit
• Sarcasm

I’m not sure what this list means for me. I guess I have some meditations to do. But, I will give myself a pat on the back and thank myself for taking the time to be honest with myself and create such a list.

Cheers to first steps and introspection!

I’m trying to pull together my resolutions before the ball drops in New York tonight. As I sit here still in pajamas, sipping on grapefruit juice, and listening to the bells and hollers from The Price Is Right on the TV in the background, I’m drawing a blank as what to stay focused on moving into the New Year.

There have been years where I have tried the traditional resolutions such as, going to the gym five days a week, losing 20 pounds, and my favorite, “being a better person.” Epic failures. All of them. And, not because I don’t have willpower or motivation. It’s because resolutions like these don’t come with practical action plans attached. How can I be expected to make it to the gym five nights a week when my career consumes six nights a week? Hell, I’m in marketing. Us creative people keep strange hours, thrive on chaos, and snub our noses at anything that smells remotely like routine. I can only imagine that for 25% of others failing to hold their resolutions year after year, it must have something to do with their utter despise for routine lifestyles. Change is healthier for the soul than laps on a treadmill.

So, for 2011 I’m not going to promise that I’ll make it to the gym faithfully, reverse the giggle of being 30-something back to tightness of being 20-something, or be a sweeter person to work next too. Nor am I going to swear off Fritos for another year. In fact, I’m not even going to publish what I’m promising myself for 2011. The idea of public failure is not a sexy concept.

However, I will reveal what I intend to work in the first quarter of 2011. Here goes nothing.

• Develop a practical, useful social media metrics system for ISM’s efforts—and my portfolio.
• Blogging for myself even if I never hit the publish button.
• Relearning how to call people instead of always texting.
• Finish the novel on my bedside table that’s been staring at me for months now.

I think those are obtainable.

Happy New Year’s friends! Stay safe among the insanity tonight.

~Amy.

Or, at least that’s what I did.

In addition to being behind on the completion of my portfolio, I’ve also been postponing the painting of this old hutch that was given to me. It was a perfect day yesterday to dive into the project. So after a lunch in downtown Media, I settled into my dining room with a paint brush and the color I thought would most compliment my eating habits. It’s now Carmel Latte. Or, a deeper shade of pumpkin for those not into paint colors.  And, it’s wonderful. I can’t wait for it to dry so I can load it up with the china I have stashed away above the sink.

The hutch isn’t the only thing I got done yesterday either. I also found a bunch of old frames at the local thrift store. Some I hung empty, some I filled with old postcards I love, and some I filled with craft paper that I found the pattern to be interesting. Finally, this room is coming along. Since the move in May, this is one room I have tried to steer clear of. It’s lack of anything made me rather fidgity. But, now this room just might be my favorite. I’ll have to see once I have the hutch back together. It’s still drying.

I still have the rest of the night to size some images. I might not get to putting them anywhere, but at least I can start folders with sized files.

~Amy.

I’m not going to publish anymore promises, I think I’ve learned my lesson, but I’ll take a mini leap and say I’m settling into my work chair for the evening. It’s nice in here tonight too. Which, although writing about the weather bores me to tears, it’s one of my sad excuses for avoiding long durations in this room. There’s no air in here! It’s a terribly hot summer for working under a ceiling fan. 100 degrees in the northeast is not 100 degrees out west, that’s for sure.

Well, off I go. Wishing myself luck. . .

~Amy.

As for my short stories, well, that’s a different tale all to its self. I’m struggling to find just the way to post them. Should I illustrate? Should I just post them? Ahh, the decisions. Stay tuned.

Hugs and fun. . .

~Amy.